I previously mentioned in this post all the reasons why I loved private therapy and would 100% recommend it, but of course there was a little journey to get there.
(Just to do a short disclaimer, getting professional help and seeing a doctor is something I would always urge others to do if they need to. I’m not trying to bash that with this post, just simply sharing my experience.)
My mum convinced me to go to the doctors as my anxiety was really starting to be debilitating, I was about 17 at this point. Anxiety was starting to affect all parts of my everyday life and my confidence was slowly slipping away.
We went to a local doctors and saw a very old, male doctor. After both me and my mum telling his our concerns, he suggested that we get a dog and go outside more. It was safe to say that we were heartbroken with this ‘advice’ that we received, and to this day my mum still gets so angry that we got treated that way.
We weren’t giving up and decided to see a different doctor at the same place. Unfortunately, we received the same poor treatment and she said it would just be something I would have to manage, and given shoddy leaflets and sent our way.
After a few more low months where I felt like I wouldn’t ever feel any better, we changed routes and registered myself at a different doctors that wasn’t as local but still fairly easy to get to. I remember going in the room with my parents and seeing THE kindest ever lady who was listening to my every word, and wanted more than anything to help me. She gave me so many different advice options such as medication, CBT, local counselling and information about private therapy. I was so relieved that I had finally had a positive experience and I could get the help I so desperately needed.
Those first two appointments were not what I had wished, but I’m so glad we kept on going and stayed strong.
WHAT TO TAKE FROM THIS POST:
Don’t give up. You deserve the help and you will eventually get it. Please stay strong and if you have a really bad experience, complain about it to a management figure (we really should of done this looking back)
Don’t be too nervous when you go, they really are there to listen and help, a good doctor will never judge you.
Write down your feelings. I did this as I didn’t know if I would be able to remember what I wanted to say, and it was so helpful and took the pressure off.
If you don’t feel comfortable going alone, take a loved one for support.
If we ever get praise we instantly reply with ‘yeah I did okay I suppose’. We try to belittle the achievement, like its not ‘that’ good or ‘that’ important. Even if its taken years to accomplish, we always think maybe next time, I’ll do it better. I’m definitely not the type of person to say YEAH I DID BLOODY GREAT AND I’M PROUD, *high five me girl*
Putting ourselves down is our favourite past-time. And not only does the lack of confidence take it’s toll on our mental health, it’s also basically telling people that they have the wrong opinion of us, especially if its a positive one. That we don’t deserve their kind words.
It definitely feels a bit American to be your own cheerleader, but if we aren’t, who the heck is going to be?
Whether it’s giving yourself credit for coming back to life after a really bad time, or that you managed to squeeze in an extra gym session when all you wanted to do was get home and watch Gilmore Girls, make sure you reward your efforts and that they do not go unnoticed. I find treating myself to a bit of chocolate (the books say you shouldn’t reward yourself with food, but alas I do not care) or having a pamper night, it makes you feel so good and keeps you on the whole positive mind-track thing.
Even if its a Friday night and you’ve been dealing with a shitty colleague all week, give yourself praise for keeping your head high, sometimes it can feel like such a hard thing to do.
I’m starting to believe the kinder we are to ourselves, and the more credit we can give us, the more likely we are to keep on doing good things for others too. Which in reality, isn’t that what this whole life thang is about?
I truly believe that its the little things in life that are the big things. Whenever I feel a bit down in the dumps I write myself a little list like this one below, and as soon as I’m finished I feel happier already. I’ve decided to share this particular list with you guys, try it- it works!
Porridge with honey on a dark Autumnal morning
When the sun comes out when I’m walking Harvey
Great customer service
When someone tells you they really enjoyed one of your posts
The feeling of falling asleep
Getting into a bath
When a great song comes on the radio, one of my favourites is Dancing In The Moonlight
Cosying up in a blanket
The first cup of tea of the day
Getting into a good book
The feeling after you’ve washed your hair
A fresh manicure
Reading a quote that describes exactly how you feel.
Buying a magazine
A clean tidy house
I would love to hear what is something that has made you smile recently?
If you read this post, you will know that I (well, ‘we’) missed out on our holidays this year due to my fear of flying. This isn’t a fear where you simply just ‘don’t like it’ but can still go ahead and force yourself to do it, it’s a fear that swallows you up completely and there isn’t any part of you that thinks you can fight against it, and win.
Also, I know it’s not rational. I’m not sure if it stems from overthinking and anxiety, to a fear of falling or even death, but I know that I need help to control it. At this moment in time, it’s winning. Heck, we’ve missed 3 holidays this year that we had already paid for and even went through airport secretary for. Those times were so heart-breaking and really were the lowest that this situation could go. I’m also so thankful to have Dan who is so understanding, even in the hardest of circumstances.
After staying home this summer whilst the rest of my family were having fun abroad, I knew something had to change. I really don’t want to live the rest of my life stuck in one country, whilst missing out on all the places in the world I want to see, the sunsets I want to witness, the foods I want to try, the cultures I want to experience, with my own eyes. I could never live with myself knowing that I denied this for not only myself, but for my future husband too.
The only person who can do this is me.
I’m going to book myself on a fear of flying course that has the practical element of the flight in it, and I hope it’s the next step for me to live the life I want. I know that it’s not going to be easy, and it’s very simple to say all of this when I’m feeling strong, but it’s in those weak moments I pray that I remember these words, and have the courage to fly. It’s not going to be easy, but boy is it going to be worth it.
My favourite quotes about fear:
Never trust your fears, they don’t know about your strength.
Do what scares you until it doesn’t.
Don’t believe everything you think.
False Evidence Appearing Real.
May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.
There’s no big juicy story about why I don’t drink. To put it bluntly, I just don’t like the taste.
That’s not to say I haven’t drunk before, and got myself in some pretty states, let me tell ya! So glad we didn’t take many pictures back then. In my teenage years I tried all sorts of alcohol, and drank to make myself feel accepted by my peers and be in the ‘cool’ crowd. I don’t regret this because I don’t like to live that way, it was what we did on Friday night. And by the looks of it, teenagers these days get up to a lot worse on their weekends. (No judging here peeps, you do you, unless you’re being a dodgy human being, of course)
So, its been 8 years since I tasted alcohol, and I don’t wish for it to be a part of my life. Don’t get me wrong, loads of people in my life drink and I know I’m in the minority, but I don’t care. I’d rather have a cup of tea, promise.
It doesn’t affect me if they drink, and my not drinking shouldn’t affect them either. Live your own life, dude.
I think its weird when people seem to have an issue with it. Trying to ‘cajole’ people into drinking when they don’t want to makes you a sucky person I think. If you told me you didn’t like tuna, I wouldn’t force you to eat it. That’s exactly the same to me with alcohol. I know it’s crazy wild that I don’t want an alcoholic beverage, but having a difference taste is nothing to be ashamed of.
JUST BECAUSE I DON’T DRINK DOESN’T MEAN I’M…
A snotty, stuck up person who doesn’t ‘approve’ of alcohol
That I don’t know how to have a fun time
That I look down on you because you drink
That I think think I’m better than you
That I create my body like a sculpture and have no vices
That I’ve never drunk before. Yes I’ve tasted sambuca and remember it well, thanks.
That I brag about not drinking. I don’t mention it hardly ever.
Has anyone else experienced this if you don’t drink?