1. You can’t just accept it. It truly isn’t something that you get your head around and understand. It feels like maybe it will never sink in.
  2. The pain stays the same. I’m not sure if I believe in the saying ‘time is a healer’ here, because although you do manage to get back on with everyday life, the pain you feel is exactly like the pain you felt when it first happened. It doesn’t go away or fade, not for me anyway.
  3. It changes you. I’m a different person now. I hand on heart believe that it’s hard to relate when you have experienced loss. You just can’t. In some ways I’m more understanding now with other people in this situation, but I also feel a little harder too because of the pain.
  4. It can come at any moment. For me, grief comes in waves and in so many different emotions. That’s a part I feel is hard to manage because one minute you feel ok, and the next you don’t. I’ve felt so many different emotions throughout this that are unfamiliar to me, but I know are all a part of the process.
  5. You realise how strong you are. To carry on with life after experiencing pain like you’ve never imagined just shows you how strong you truly are. I think we as humans are so incredible to go through this and keep going.
  6. No one really talks about grief. I can understand why because it’s such a powerful topic, but after being opened to such a different world, I think it’s so important to discuss it. It’s probably the most challenging time you’ll ever have, so why don’t we talk about this? If we don’t, how can other people feel supported when they are going through the same thing?
  7. People forget and get on with their lives. Which is understandable, but sometimes frustrating too.
  8. People don’t know what to say. I’ve been there, so I know that this is true. Sometimes there is nothing to be said, other times just a hug or a ‘I’m here if you need me’ can help.
  9. Having support from other loved ones who are feeling all the same things you are, is a massive rock to hold on to. It reminds you that you are not alone in this.
 
 
These are just a few of the things I’ve experienced within these last months. Hopefully none of this can be taken offensively, I have just wrote from the heart and how I’m feeling at this point.


I always like to set the scene before a happy things post. So, that’s exactly what I’m going to do! I’m typing this on a Saturday afternoon, a sleeping doggy beside me and Workin Mom’s on in the background. The sun is shining and it’s not rained yet today, thank goodness! After this we’re off to see my Grandma for a cup of tea.

Now that’s done, let’s go shall we?

#1 Knitting. Guys, let the news know because I FINALLY learned how to knit! Thanks to my mum for teaching me. I can’t wait to work on a scarf for myself.

#2 Bagels with peanut butter + banana. This is my new lunch since I had it in a cafe in London the other week. So so good!!

#3 Monday night yoga classes. A full hour where I can stretch and switch- off.

#4 The fact that it’s not raining right now. I like a good rainy day, but when thats ALL there is for the foreseeable future, it feels a bit meh. Thankfully it’s a gorgeous day here today! I’m totally appreciating it.

#5 New trainers. My dad treated me to some new running trainers and I can’t wait to try them out tomorrow. It’s long overdue because my current ones make me feel like I’m running in slippers!

#6 Not being too hard on myself. I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself lately and changing my self-talk to be much more positive. It feels really nice to be honest.

#7 Phone- free afternoon. I had a couple of hours without being tied to my phone yesterday and it was oh so refreshing. Exactly what I needed! Definitely want to do more of them in the future.

#8 Spending time at home. I’m relishing being at home lately and just loving pottering around.

#9 Catching up on podcasts.

#10 Autumn. I do love this season!

What’s made you happy lately?

I’ve been meaning to do another mid-week check in for a while, and since I’m up earlier today before my alarm, and I’m not at work today, I thought I’d open my laptop and chat to you all, while enjoying my morning cup of tea.

What’s going well so far?

  • I’ve been posting everyday this month on Instagram, which I secretly challenged myself to and I’m really happy with how it’s going so far!
  • I’ve nearly finished a really great book.
  • I went to my Monday night yoga class which was a nice switch-off.
  • I’ve slowly started to fall asleep earlier and faster, I’m obviously having a tired week I think!
  • My sister and nephew is down for a few days so I’ve been spending lots of time with them.
  • I’m fitting in short meditations whenever I can and they are really helping.

What improvements do I want to make for the rest of the week?

  • My hormones are really high this week and I’ve snapped a few times at people, which really disappoints me and is upsetting, but we are only human after all I suppose.
  • It’s felt like a really busy week and like I have a lot of stuff to do and for someone who is easily overwhelmed like me, can make me feel stressed. I want to try and rush a lot less, and slow down, even if there’s stuff going on.
  • Put less pressure on myself. This is almost something I do automatically, which obviously isn’t the best thing. For the rest of this week I want to remind myself that sometimes DONE is better than perfect.

 

How is your week going?

 

If I love a book, chances are is that I’m shouting about it! That’s why I like writing blog posts like this, so if anyone is on the lookout for recommendations they might like one or two of these.

If you want MORE recommendations, check out my book Instagram where I post all the time with book inspo.

Vox

Oh this book is just a revolution. It is scarily accurate. A story of a new government in power where women are seen as the lesser sex, and given 100 word limits as communication. It made me so angry. It’s a book I’ve not stopped thinking about, and I kind of wish I could go back and read it again, so I’m jealous of all the people who haven’t read it yet! I’ve passed my copy straight onto my sister. The ending was a bit rushed, which I was disappointed about, but the story makes up for that entirely. Please read it. It’s now gone on the list of my favourite books of 2019.

Normal People

I really didn’t like Sally Rooney’s debut novel, Conservation with Friends, so I didn’t have particularly high hopes for this one either, but I was so pleasantly surprised. I ended up really loving this book and I didn’t want it to end. A story about a first love that you don’t forget when you’ve finished it. It’s wonderful.

The Perks of Being A Wallflower

I know I’m way behind the times with this one, but I picked it up at my local charity shop and thought I should probably give it a go. Reading it made me feel so nostalgic, in the way those ‘coming of age’ books usually do. It was heartwarming with touches of real rawness, confusion and all those feelings you felt as a teenager when you didn’t know what the heck you were doing. A book you will for sure relate to.

 

Have you read any of these?

 

Happy October! *insert generic phrase about time going super fast* but it’s true isn’t it? September flew by for me, and it’s always one of my favourite months so I’m excited to chat about it.

SEPTEMBER RECAP

Fill up my creative cup. I definitely did more of my creative hobbies this month, I got my paints back out (lets ignore the fact they haven’t been out since) and I worked on my cross-stitch too. I did my first ever stop motion on Instagram. I have a feeling October is going to be a really creative month for me too!

A daily gratitude list. I’m really happy because this is something I’ve still been doing. It really does make a huge difference to me and my overall mood, so I’d definitely recommend it if you want more positivity in your life.

Be silly! Daydream more. September was a much better month than August, and I did lighten up a little. Of course there was still extremely hard times (grief doesn’t just vanish) but looking back over the month, I can say I’m proud of myself for how I’ve been and dealt with things. Plus, there’s been lots of singing in the car to the new Taylor album which always helps.

 

OCTOBER GOALS

Keep it up. I’ve made some good habits in September that I really want to carry through into October. I’ve chosen healthier afternoon snacks, ran further and faster, and been easy on myself when I’ve been having a tough day. I want to continue this into this month.

Worry less. I’m a classic over-thinker, and worrying is something that I can easily convince myself that I was born with! I can feel it becoming slightly overwhelming at times, so I need to put a cap on it and just re-check myself. I am only human and I can’t do everything, and be everything to everyone. (That’s not even expected of me, it’s just what we feel like we need to do isn’t it? Silly brain!) Hopefully a month of longer meditations, being more present, and being realistic with my time is on the horizon.

Become more of a morning person. Something I definitely was not born as! I want to make my mornings more of a sacred routine, instead of just scrolling first thing and then dragging myself out of bed and onto the sofa, to do more scrolling *eesh, that sounds horrific doesn’t it. I have visions of reading a chapter of my book with a cup of tea in bed, or even a 5 minute meditation and some stretches, but let’s see how we go, it might be a hard habit to break!

 

 

What are your goals for October?