ANXIETY & ME.

BACKGROUND

I’ve always been a sensitive little soul. As I like to describe it, ‘I feel all the things.’ As a teenager I was very heavily influenced by my peers (although nothing dangerous like the things you see these days) and always wanted to fit in. I was a crowd follower, definitely not a leader. I have always had very strong gut feelings but never acted upon them and usually, dismissed them entirely.


THEN

I remember having panic attacks from a young age, although obviously not knowing what the heck they were. They were never massive pinnacle moments, just the odd feeling or so. When I turned 18, for a number of reasons, anxiety became a huge part of my life. I never fought it, and because I let it consume me, it became worse. At one stage, I didn’t want to leave the house. I would panic about everything. All the ‘what ifs’ of any everyday ordinary situation. It was exhausting and I couldn’t control it. This lasted for about a year before me and my family decided to seek help. Firstly, we visited a local doctors. Now, I don’t want this to discourage anyone about seeking help, but my first visit to the doctors did not go well. To put it bluntly, he laughed. Yep, you read that correctly. The second visit didn’t help either and was also unsuccessful. We didn’t give up and I registered to another doctors nearby which were fantastic. I had free CBT, which helped somewhat, but no where near as much as seeing a private therapist. THIS was the thing that changed my life around. It was expensive yes, but any amount of money is
worth getting yourself back I think. Note: It is such a long process, and I don’t want to use the word ‘recover’ because anxiety is so different for everyone, and I still can feel it somedays.

NOW

At 24, I don’t get anxiety every single day. I don’t get many panic attacks either, maybe once every few months if I’m not travelling, going to new places etc. Certain things still trigger my anxiety, I am a terrible flyer (working on it!), and still have certain phobias that I know I won’t ever get rid of (a long story in itself.)  Anxiety now, does not control my life. I can control it. I have learnt the techniques to bring balance back into my life. I know the things that I can push myself to do, and things that would make me feel worse.

In the end, I can be thankful to anxiety for bringing me a place where I have finally got to know myself. I thank others for speaking up about their anxiety issues (Zoella etc.) because it helped spread awareness to all those who suffered alone, and without help.

 

 

Share:
  • Michael

    You laid it on the line and I think may cause some to think about their own issues and a way to handle them. That’s a good thing, I think advice from a different plane often strikes home. The realization that issues we may have are being experienced by others is like a door opening. Looking through that door and seeing folks you respect is priceless. ” Anxiety is the handmaiden of creativity. ” T.S. Elliot. I see creativity in what you do N.

    • NatalieLeanne

      Thank you! x

  • amelia may

    Lovely to read your story with this. You’re very brave. Very best wishes. Xxx

    Keep Calm and start writing –
    http://www.23millymay25.blogspot.co.uk

    • NatalieLeanne

      thank you so much Amelia! xx

  • Steph

    It’s incredible that you still found positives in your anxiety. I think a lot of people would choose to focus on the negatives.

    It sounds like you’ve come a long way in the last 6 years. You should be very proud!

    All the best!
    Steph

    http://www.socialspying.com

    • NatalieLeanne

      thank you so so much xx

  • Amazing Leanne. I would always say that therapy is 10394% worth it and worth every penny. I have had lots of ups and downs with anxiety and now at 24 I *think* I have learnt to control it on the most part. It does creep up on me, but usually I know the warning signs. It is so good that we all talk about mental health so freely and honestly these days – it has helped so many people! Immy x

    http://www.immymay.com

    • NatalieLeanne

      Yess recognising those warning signs are so important! I wish it had always been this way xx

  • Lizzie

    I think it’s so important (and so brave) to talk about mental health, however it effects you, amazing posts and so happy for you feeling stronger!

    theButter.co.uk

    • NatalieLeanne

      thank you so much xx

  • I love that so many more people are speaking out about anxiety etc., although of course it is horrible, the more awareness the better. I totally agree that seeking help is always better than just not doing anything at all and hoping it will go away, but also the help out their available sometimes (such as your first doctors trip) isn’t good enough and a lot of us aren’t taken seriously, I am currently looking into private therapy myself so hopefully my results are as positive as yours! It’s so great that you’re feeling like you have a little bit more of a hold on your anxiety, I think like you say suffering from things like this, it never really goes away but I do believe it can only get better. Lovely post & I absolutely adore your dress, I wish you the best of luck on the rest of your journey 🙂

    Xo Gemma
    Sunday Somewhere

    • NatalieLeanne

      I’m definitely doing a post on private therapy soon so be sure to look out for it! I hope it goes well for you xxx

  • I suffer from anxiety as well, and quite severely for the past three years now. It really can be debilitating and hard to carry on with ordinary life when its taking over. I have a certain phobia that I just cannot get over which triggers my anxiety and panic attacks, but I now control my anxiety more than it controls me and I’m so happy about that! I’m glad you’re also better now, and still managing every single day – you go girl!

    Lucy | Forever September

    • NatalieLeanne

      thank you so much girl! we can do it xxx

  • Diana Maria

    Recently I’ve found that so many others struggle with anxiety just as I do, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone! I’ve struggled with anxiety since a young age as well, and I do think over the years I’ve become better at dealing with it but it can be so hard at times. Thank you so much for sharing your story, so many feel the same way!

    Sending light & love your way,
    My Lovelier Days

    • NatalieLeanne

      I know I wish I had known this earlier, it might of been comforting back then, thank you so much for reading and the lovely comment xx

  • Hi Natalie.

    Thank you so much for sharing this. I am sure it was not easy. I suffer from anxiety, and just like you said, it comes and goes. It took awhile to learn the correct techniques to handle it, and sometimes I still struggle. I like mindfulness meditation and exercising along with calling my mom on the phone just to chat. Those are my go-to’s 🙂 So happy you are at a good place in your life now! xoxo

    Madison from breakfastatmadisons.com

    • NatalieLeanne

      thank you so much! they sound like perfect activities to help your wellbeing, mums always help everything too I find! xx

  • Julia Day

    I relate so much to your experience with anxiety! I remember always being on edge and having panic attacks as a kid and thinking there was something physically wrong until I read a blog post about panic attacks and realised what I’d been experiencing.

    I had CBT but didn’t find it very helpful. I’d be really interested to read about your experience with private therapy.

    Julia xx
    http://www.juliarachelday.co.uk

    • NatalieLeanne

      Thank so much, I will definitely do another post on it then 🙂 xx

  • A great story, I used to get bad panic attacks year ago when my best friend passed away, and still suffer with anxiety today. I find that being creative helps ease off anxiety, like Amelia said below keep calm and start writing, very true 🙂

    I’m so glad to hear that you’re improving and much better than you were, excellent news, keep going!

    You have a lovely blog!

    Laura xo
    http://www.shehearts.net