I am unbelievably lucky that this isn’t an emotion I’ve felt as an adult before. I know how privileged I am to say that.
But with that, comes the complete and utter shock of just how powerful, and all encompassing it really is.
It’s a side of life I am experiencing for the first time in a lot of ways, and the physical and emotional pain is something I truly didn’t know existed.
I’m a member of a club I never wanted to join.
It’s like a scene in a film when a character is sat on the bathroom floor howling with raw heartbreak, expect its real, and its you.
At times, it feels like something I’ll never get over.
But one thing I’m learning, is how grief comes in waves. It hits you in the stomach and literally sends you to your knees.
For me, the only way out is through. I know feeling these emotions are healthy, and I want to do that for the sake of my own health. Sometimes for moments, minutes, or even hours, grief subsides. It leaves you alone to rest and be and live and learn.
And then it starts to come back, and you go through the cycle again. I am extremely thankful that as a family, we are so strong and can all find such a huge support in one another. It is truly heartbreaking, but we go through it all together and find comfort, that we all feel the same right now.
This is only the beginning of my grief journey. Im sure it will be one that will teach me lots of things, and show me a strength I never knew I had.
Until the next time,