I feel like I’m definitely qualified to talk about being single, as before I met Dan I only had a few short previous relationships and was single for four years. I’ve thought back to my old single lifestyle and wanted to share what I learnt (and there was a LOT of learning)…
YOU WORK OUT WHAT YOU WANT (IN A PARTNER)
Every failed relationship taught me how I wanted to be treated by my future husband (I wasn’t messing around here, guys. I didn’t want to go on loads of dates, I wanted to meet ‘The One’).
I worked out the qualities that I will not settle on, and the things that I thought would bother me that actually didn’t, that much. Sure manners are super important, but having the exact same interests as you? Not that essential really. There was definitely a part of ‘single life’ that I enjoyed, and I knew I didn’t want to give that up for somebody who wasn’t right for me. It turns out check-lists are completely pointless, bin them immediately. I had an extremely long one, and looking back it turns out Dan is in some ways a complete opposite of what I once thought was ‘crucial’.
I FOUND MYSELF
So cheesy, but oh so true. I spent so much time alone that it was in those years that I discovered what kind of person I wanted to be, what things I believed in, and what people I wanted to surround myself with.
Being single really is your time to indulge in yourself and I didn’t hold back. I thought back on past experiences a lot and learned when I was in the wrong, and when I wasn’t as strong willed as I should of been. You can’t re-do your past experiences, but you can use them as what to do if something similar happens again.
FAMILY IS KEY
I’ve always been very family orientated, but whilst going through a very messy break-up, I couldn’t of done it without my family. Whether that was my Dad just giving me a hug when I got upset, or my mum going on a walk with me everyday to get some fresh air, I relied on my loved ones very heavily, and they helped me survive the heartbreak so so much. Family are just the best.
LOVE IS SO UNEXPECTED
The old cliche is true, love always happens when you least expect it. I had given up trying to find ‘The One’ as I didn’t want to go out and go clubbing to find an other half as that’s not something I genuinely enjoy. What would be the point in going drinking, meeting someone and then explaining ‘oh, I actually don’t drink’. I left it up to the universe. When Dan came along I decided to rip up the rulebook, and be the first one to contact him instead of waiting to see if he would contact me. It worked and now here we are, engaged and happily living together. My top tip would be always follow your instincts, they will very rarely lead you astray.
Did you learn anything whilst you were single?